Road grace
I think one of the alternatives to road rage is road grace. When it comes to drivers moving along a road or lane sought after by yielding drivers, I’ve noticed three types of drivers whose road presence is a great metaphor for the intrinsic views that shape the quality of our relationships and our lives.
There are those who see you want to get into traffic and pretend to not notice, keeping the space in front of them tightly closed, obviously not wanting to get to their destination one car length late. They view the joy of others as a barrier to their own joy. They don’t mind people being happy as long as they can decide on the conditions and timing of their happiness.
Then there are those who view relationships and life as the reluctant and joyless accomodation of the joy of others. They leave you just enough room to slide in while they hover close enough for you to feel guilty asking for the space they reluctantly surrender.
Then you have those for whom your joy is their joy. They see you need in, slow down to create a generous space and wait until you’re safe in it before they comfortably follow. May the road grace people be fruitful and multiply.
April 26th, 2005 22:35
This is a very apt and elegant metaphor. Thank you for writing it.
April 27th, 2005 14:14
I usually let in two or three, while being mindful that, if I let in more, the guy behind me will be about to have a coronary. Seems like the right number. I know how nice it feels when somebody lets me in - and what’s an extra minute in the history of the world.
And waving thanks is good, too.
On the other hand, I have had those days when….. and feel so rotten about it.
April 27th, 2005 20:12
That’s wonderful. It reminds me of the time I let a lady with a single red pepper go in front of me at the grocery store - she was standing with it behind me with a full cart and the guy behind me also with a full cart. The guy was so enraged he followed me out to the parking lot yelling about how people like me were ruining the country. Actually, I was insulted by his remark. I was hoping for the whole civilization : )
April 28th, 2005 11:46
It’s a lovely thought and, as a former Clevelander, I can imagine it working in many places. But now that I live in the Boston suburbs, I’ve learned the harsh reality that some roads (and drivers) will swallow you whole if you show any kind of “road grace.”
April 28th, 2005 15:04
Remembering well the driving aesthetic there, I’m not sure how grace translates into the Boston roadscape except that if you move quickly enough, people let you live another day to talk about it.