Reacting to criticism
I’ve come to realize that criticism comes easy to some people. Like mosquitoes, they live to sting any flesh available to sustain their ego fix. And as a friend reminded me today, trying to satisfy any ego is a sheer waste of time because it simply cannot be done.
So once I indulge myself in a modest portion of delicious annoyance, I realize how much I’ve lost interest in my weaknesses, gaps, and deficiencies. Ruminating on them doesn’t give the kind of rush I used to get when I was at an age where self-improvement seemed only possible on the heels of self-critcism.
These days, I mostly prefer to simply use criticism as an excuse to reflect instead on my highest intentions and most cherished strengths. This seems to work better.
May 17th, 2005 00:42
Also, a practice my partner has introduced to me. When someone criticises you, find it in yourself to see if there is some truth to it. The clue is if it hurts. Then ask, what is hurting? What am I not being honest with myself about? Work on that a little, not the person’s criticism, but the place it stings in you. And while you are doing that hold open the possibility and the truth that you are also the opposite of what the criticism says you are: if someone says you’re mean, find in yourself where mean spiritedness lives and work on it. And know that that you are also generous. You are spacious enough to be all of it, without hiding from any of it.
It’s a cool practice, and I find that it dissolves these stories we have about ourselves and also brings us into a compassionate and empathetic relationship with the one who stung us. If I can find where she was right - I am mean - I can appreciate her experience of me in that moment and use it as a practice point.
May 17th, 2005 05:44
…spacious enough to be all of it …. Jung would so smile : )
Thank anything you respond negatively to … for bringing your attention to a part of you that needs healing and more light…Thank those situations in your life that seem difficult or painful. Know that they are opportunities to reach a deeper truth. Sanaya Roman
May 17th, 2005 08:19
This blog really struck me today. It is so what I’ve been working on, both in watching (and feeling) others’ criticism as well as self criticism of my own. I agree with Chris Corrigan.
My partner tells me, “If you feel sensitive in a [discussion], think about whether it’s true or not. If it’s true, then look at the situation honestly. If it’s not true, then don’t believe what’s being said to you. It could be being said to you in jest or in misunderstanding…”
It’s a cool practice (I agree with Chris again), and not without its pain of self-reflection. My practice is now about not being attached; ie: not having the ‘pain’, just the awareness.
Thanks for the thoughts, everyday.
May 17th, 2005 11:55
If it’s not true, it will seem absurd, like someone calling you a tomato. If it seems that absurd, then the practice point is one of compassion for the person speaking out, and for the suffering they are going through. It could behoove us to understand that a little more.
May 17th, 2005 14:59
As you know I’ve been listening to Pema Chodron ’s “True Happiness” audio teachings for several weeks now. I am currently digesting her simple, powerful teaching on befriending ourselves– knowing that we’ve “seen it all,” yet still accepting ourselves exactly as we are. Extending grace to ourselves and others is so hard, given all the tripe we’ve been taught, but it feels fairly heroic when all is said and done.