The evil of or
One of the themes in recent coaching conversations is the whole business about decision making. In most cases, we’re torturing ourselves with an either-or question, which is always the wrong question to work from. The problem with either-or is that it narrows when we need to deepen and broaden the conversation.
Which is better … this solution, option, candidate, investment, path, position, strategy, project, timing … or … This is the evil of or. It keeps us stuck and prevents widening of consciousness. “Trying to make a decision” is always a red-flag for how we keep ourselves stuck. It is paradoxically an effective way of resisting and avoiding response-ability.
One of the subtle ways we seduce ourselves into the evil of or is with the “want” question - what do I want? It’s a thinly disguised version of the evil of or.
The only way forward is through the question of natural attraction. What naturally attracts me in this situation … and why? The more we ask and listen within, the wider our perspective and the closer we move toward the clarity of action that as we seek in the first place. It works because attraction leads to the creativity of and rather than to the competition of or.
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